Sacrifice

A question was asked of me earlier this week at lunch about sacrifice. I was talking with a mentor of sorts about my career, where I see myself going short-term and long-term, and how I plan on getting there. Anyway, I think I have made it known on the blog, again, about my desire to start my MBA this fall. I told him about my MBA plans, since I am 4 days a week and may have a bit more spare time now, and how I don't have plans to work a full 5 days/week until Evan is in school, at least :-) I also told him of my continuous Mom guilt/internal conflicts and the constant questions of if I am doing the right thing. I don't want to sacrifice my time with the kids now just to work. Sure, maybe I won't climb as high on the corporate ladder as fast or make VP or whatever it is I decide to go for, but I love spending time with my kids and I don't want to trade anything for that.

He kind of threw that back and me and spoke about regrets. Would I regret my decisions now, say 10 years from now, if I am not as far in my career as I thought. Am I looking at sacrifice the right way?? Sure, I am sacrificing time with my kids at working four days a week, but what are the additional costs? Isn't being a successful business woman a great example for the kids? Would they understand the full sacrifice of what I did for them in the long run? He constantly tells me I can do more, should be farther than I am, and has more faith in my work and abilities than I do. Needless to say, it was a very thought provoking conversation. I came away from that with more questions and no more answers, which I hate. I hate making decisions.. especially ones this huge.

I really thought I was doing the right thing and still think I am, but now... just more questions. Just more nagging thoughts in my head. However, after having this meeting on Wednesday, I can honestly say Thursday morning, I knew the decisions I made are the rights ones. I get to work from home on Thursdays, so I get to see the kids before they go to daycare. I get to cuddle with Emma when she comes into our room after she wakes up and I get to pick up the sleepy Ev, rubbing his eyes and reaching for his blanket and pointing to our room. I love seeing the kids in the morning. That is one of the sacrifices I am making by working so damn early... I don't get to see them before I leave for work. Morning calls with Tim at 8 to get the lowdown on when they woke up, how they were, moods, etc, aren't the same as being home to help. Plus, Fridays are just us (and usually the neighbors)! We do fun things on Fridays like weird craft projects, sledding, making fires and roasting hotdogs when it is cold out, field trips, anything. It is an extra day to teach, share, laugh and make memories. I don't want to sacrifice that.

But, it is what it is. I do want to work, I don't thing I want to stay home full time, so this is the best arrangement for both. Maybe I am sacrificing some aspects of my career, but isn't that what being a parent is supposed to be about? Giving your kids everything you can and sacrificing to make it happen? No answers, just thoughts. This Mom stuff isn't easy.