Saying goodbye

Today was an incredibly emotional day.  It was a day that I had been dreading for about a month.  Today was Evan's last day with his beloved daycare provider, Theresa, as he starts preschool on Monday.

Theresa has been in our life for 5 years and we trusted her with the most important thing in our lives - our children.  We interviewed, reference checked, stopped in, and agonized over this choice and in the end, we decided to go with Theresa and for that, I am very thankful. She made my transition back to work tolerable, my progression from 3 work days to 4 work days and to eventually 5 work days manageable.

Emma started there when she was about 16 months old, when I started work at Cargill. I worked only three days a week then and loved being back in a work setting, but having four days with my little girl.  Emma wasn't so sure about Theresa's at first and being away from me and Kristen (who watched her for the first year).  Emma refused to take off her shoes and coat until about the second week there and after that, she was all smiles.  Theresa has a daughter, Breezy,who is a year older than Emma and they instantly became friends.  Breezy is actually here tonight on a sleepover and those girls have grown to be almost sisters in the years they spent together.   Emma easily fell into a pattern at the house playing dress-up with the girls, house in their little basement tree house, and loving the comforts Theresa provided.

Emma - the first week there

Halloween with Madeline (left) and Breezy (right)

Then, along came Evan.  She met Evan when he was about 5 days old and saw him basically weekly since.  Honestly, I kind of think that Evan took a special place in her heart (which made this whole thing even harder) as her own son was in high school and she had Evan since he was 12 weeks old.  Evan's first week there was a week of stubbornness, just like Emma. Evan refused to drink from his bottle for about the first 3-4 days.  That is not the way an emotional,  hormonal, Mama just back at work wants to have it!  Theresa called me a lot so I knew what was going on, tried to feed him his bottle a lot, and then just comforted him when he needed it.

Dec 2008 - Evan a 3 months

Halloween 2009

The group - Feb 2011

Throughout the years, there have been many birthday parties, holiday parties, smiles, laughter, and tears at Theresa's house.  She has kissed boo-boo's, put kids in naughty chairs, and has probably seen a few of their "firsts" but was kind enough not to say anything so I could feel like those memories were mine first.

While I know, deep down, we are making the right decision for this point in our lives, it doesn't make it any easier.  I was close to tears all day today and I just couldn't get over the sad, guilty, lagging feeling that was hanging over my head.  Most of all, I don't want the kids to forget the person who loved them like they were her own and then had to say goodbye. 

It comes with the territory, I know.  Daycare providers know that they will say goodbye to the kiddos they helped raise, but in this instance, since we decided to make the move away . . . I feel horrible.

The families will keep in touch, I know that - or I really, really hope that.  Emma and Breezy will still want to chat on the phone and do sleepovers. The adults and kiddos will go out for food (we have plans for one in two week), try to make bowling happen, or play cards together to keep in touch. But still, the comforts of home that Evan knew when he was NOT at home is now being replaced by a more sterile school setting with unfamiliar people.  He will do fine, as will I, but this transition stinks. 

These past few month have been an emotional roller coaster and what can I say, I just want to get off the damn ride.