The internal conflicts of my little man

Evan is growing up so fast. As much as I can see it and am excited (or sometimes sad) he wishes he were so much older.... like Emma's age :-)

He is constantly demanding to do things on this own now. I am always hearing now: "NO! ME!" Or "EVAN!" or my favorite "I DO IT!" when I try to help. Which is great, but frustrating. He thinks he can put on his own clothes now, but, sorry little man, you can't. He puts shirt sleeves on his legs, tries to stuff his head into pants legs or puts on roughly 3 of his treasured "Cars" socks on each foot, backwards and wonky. I have seen him wearing pants (that I put on him) and he is wearing 2 pairs or shorts somewhat over them on his legs. He always thinks he can zip up his own coat. He will angrily step back from me when I try to help and proclaim "NO! DO IT" then, he will try to make it happen for what seems like eternity before he helplessly says "HELP!". Ahhh.. the push and pull of having a stubborn two year old.

It is all really happening too fast for my liking. Yes, it is great to be out of the bottles, out of the 3 times a night feedings, and out of the total dependence. But the independence is hard. I KNOW it is my job to make him independent; to make him a functional, responsible, and giving member of society. But, I don't see that happening at two years old.

It really hit me last week at his water babies swim class, which he loved, thankfully. He was in the class with babies that were 8 months old and it honestly hit me like like a smack in the chest -or heart- that my little man is no longer a baby. While he still depends on me to kiss his owies, give him hugs before bed, and of course the basic necessities of life, he is pulling away slowly. He doesn't want me to help him get things off of shelves any more, he would rather build his own unsafe ladder or climb up dresser drawers to reach things. He doesn't want me to show him how to do things, he fully expects that he can do things on his own by watching his idol, Emma. I guess I am not as prepared as I thought I would be when my baby grows up. . . or grows to be a toddler. While I am fine with not having any more babies, I really am, it is still hard to see them go from stage to stage sometimes.

So, when my tears drop whenI don't expect them too or when the heart strings are pulled at the "NO! ME DO IT" I have to remember that this is expected, this is how life is supposed to be with children.

But even with knowing that fact and knowing what my role is, it doesn't make it any easier for me.... I love what my little man is growing into and each age brings new joys and fun, but I miss him all the same.